honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
