Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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