We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
