now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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