I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
