did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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