There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
