So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
