how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
