So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
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