last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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