you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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