remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
