ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize