He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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