Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
