"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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