the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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