He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
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