You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
We were destined to go to rehab together
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
