Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
