ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
