You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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