This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
