you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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