And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
