my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Randomize
