I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize