For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
