Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize