absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
