I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
