girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
