alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
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