tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
