Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
My penis needs a shock collar
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
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