I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Randomize
