just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Randomize
