You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
