Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize
