Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
