So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
