her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
