i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I think a kid would responsible me up
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
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