I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
