I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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