I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize