So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Randomize
