Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
this will be a night to untag.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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