Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
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