All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
