its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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