i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
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