This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Randomize
