He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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