He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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