they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
