some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
