i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
