Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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