yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
