Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
