do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I just googled if crying burns calories
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I need to calm my uterus...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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