I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Randomize
