when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize