So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why can't burritos get me drunk
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
