so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
