After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
