Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
