If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
