turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
