I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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