My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
foreskin is a definite game changer
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
