You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
