Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Randomize