Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Randomize
