Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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