I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
