i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
