I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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