If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Alive.
So much puke
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
