Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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