yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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