Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Randomize
